Parenting

Question: parenting? if a mother and father is not married.and they have a child together and the mother yakes the child and skips the country without telling the father is that kidnapping? how can it not be concidered kidnapping?how can it be kidnapping? kidnapping is when someone who isn't the parent takes the kid. if it is your child and you were never married to the person she took her from england to spain it may not be the same as in USA.

Answer: It's abduction, not kidnapping, when the non-custodial parent takes away the child. If it's the custodial parent it's fine.

Question: Why are people required to take parenting classes before they become a foster parent, but not a blood parent? Why is it that the law requires people to take parenting classes before they become a foster parent, but.. When a couple is expecting a biological child, the law doesn't require them to take any classes. That sounds one-sided to me; shouldn't all soon-to-be-parents be held to the same standards? Why are temporary parents required to do stuff that permanent parents dont have to do? I would think that permanent parents should have higher standards. Why do the temporary parents have higher standards?

Answer: There is a fundamental right to have children (assuming you are biologically able to do so), just as there is a fundamental right to marry. There is no fundamental right to adopt, so reasonable standards and procedures may be implemented by the state.

Question: How do you make parenting decisions with your significant other? I'm just curious how other people do this or if there is even a decision at all. My husband and I have two totally different ideas of parenting but somehow we do pretty good together through compromise and strategy. So, how do you make parenting decisions? Does one person do the majority of the parenting? Do you even discuss parenting with your significant? I'm just curious! Thanks! One more question--are your kids involved in parenting decisions?

Answer: my sons dad and i are seperated, but still communicate regularly for the benefit of our son, and when we've had to make specific decisions, we've talked about it and listened to each others opinions, decided which we both thought would work, tried it and if it didn't work, try the next thing. I think its best to both contribute, and different ideas can work together with compromise.

Question: Do you think the majority of parents take parenting seriously? I'm not talking about you personally. I'm talking about parents in general as a whole. Do you think parents (even when their children are at a young age) practice foresight? Do you think parents really take that responsibility to heart--almost like a job--and do their best? Now, I’m talking about you. How do you feel about parenting books in general? What is your main concern as a parent? Do you think the parents who do not take parenting seriously will some day have an effect on your own children? I’m just curious. I’ve been noticing more and more my own awareness of parenting. I’ve been really nervous (as I’m sure many parents are) about what I do now and the effects it will have on my children later. By all means, I’m confident about my parenting abilities and I’m always trying to improve but it’s so hard to figure out fact from fiction when there are so many “experts� out there. Do you choose to follow an "expert's" advice? If so, which one and why?

Answer: I think its hard not to take parenting seriously. Most people love their children and try to do what is best for them. The problem is that there is no best. What works for one child or family may not work for another. Also, parents are limited by their experience, knowledge, and faults. If parents try to take parenting too seriously, they start to deny their children some of the joys of childhood, love, adventure, etc. I think most parents struggle with trying to make sure their children have a good time in life while trying to make sure they learn the rules as well. It's easy to fall to far one way or the other. As far as experts, I take a little from here and little from there. If I am having a problem, I will search the child care books until I find a suggestion that seems to gel with my parenting style. I'll will combine ideas to suit me. Often, the best resources are family and friends. In many ways, I trust them more because I have seen the results of their parenting. With some issues, like food, I've decided to follow my doctor's advice. As with everything else, there is lots of conflicting opinions about there about how to feed your kids. I figure if I am going to have him monitor my kids' well-being, I might as well follow his advice.

Question: How much do you think parenting and environment affects the outcome of a person? Basically, nature vs. nurture. Like, do you think a psychopath is born or made? Do you think some of the world's finest could have turned out to be serial killers if they'd had a different upbringing? Also, what kind of parenting do you think constitutes "good parenting" or "bad parenting?" The person with the most thorough and well thought out answer will get the 10 points. Kat: "mental illness" covers a whole range of illnesses, some of which are genetic, some of which are environmental, many of which are both.

Answer: After raising 5 kids...I am going w/nature. My girls did not follow my example. I did my laundry (for the family) and had dinner on the table at 6. Neither girl keeps the laundry done for her family, nor do they cook for their family, both have been married and divorced several times....I was married once. So how can anyone say they follow what they have seen? I think it is just the way they are. And I don't believe I could have done one thing to change them. In fact I know I couldn't, because I did try to teach them. It just didn't work. You can't teach promiscuity. Either they are or they aren't. I wasn't....they were. They are nothing like me. I love crafts, can sew (always could), they can do nothing. Can't even thread a needle. I crochet...they don't have a clue. I taught myself. I couldn't teach them. They were born that way.

Question: What is a parenting philosophy and how do I write one? I am in a grade eleven parenting class, and I was asked to write a parenting philosophy. I do not know what exactly it is but I have an idea. I am not sure how to write it, or how to begin. Any help?

Answer: My philosophy about raising children is to remember that they are learning, they are learning how to get along with each other, how to be obedient to their parents - they are brand new and learning everything. As parents we have to be on our best behaviour so that they can learn from us - be patient so that they can learn to be patient, be polite, kind, thoughtful, cooperative, considerate and calm, so that our children can also learn those things. I am mother to three children, step mother to two children, foster mother to many, and I try to teach patience and kindness, staying calm, and treating others the way we would like to be treated.

Question: How many believe parenting/raising children is a cut and dry process? Between parenting books, discussions on here, magazines, tv shows, and the many other areas in which parenting is the subject, it appears many people seem to believe there is usually one true way to raise children, their way. How many parents, if they opt to breast feed are tolerable to those who bottle feed? How many parents who have their children supervised nearly every moment of the day are tolerable to those who feel comfortable leaving them unsupervised, despite the age? How many parents who feel their children must be walked to the bus stop/school are tolerable to those who opt to allow them to walk on their own? How many parents who feel that scheduled sports/activities are certain this is the only way to keep children away from the evils of youth (drugs, alcohol, smoking, sex, etc) are tolerable of those who do not feel so compelled to follow suite? Etc.

Answer: I don't think there's a situation on the planet that is "cut and dry". I think every situation is different and different things work for different parents and different kids. Even within one family...what works for one kid may backfire for another...so it's best to stay open minded. However, I know what MY parenting philosophy is...and IT IS RIGHT...for MY family. It may not work for others...and I don't care...lol. MY family is my concern... As far as being tolerant of others...I'm getting there. I find it frustrating when people's beliefs are rooted in ignorance and refusal to explore all options rather than actual knowledge... Or if their "philosophy" is a side affect of laziness. But again...just because I find them frustrating...doesn't mean that it's any of my business or my place to care one way or the other. I used to be a lot more sensitive about things like nursing and lax parenting and unsupervised children....but the busier I get with my own son and being 9 months pregnant...the most I can muster is a head shake and mild disbelief. But I can't say that I actually "care" anymore.

Question: How can I go about starting a parenting group? I want to showcase how perfect my parenting skills are and how well my kids have turned out. I will lecture on the best methods of feeding and what kind of nappies to use and how to feed solid foods to your babby. I will also teach people how to spell BABBY properly and pregnate. Now Who should I contact about starting this parenting club? My local council, parenting centre or do you have another suggestion?

Answer: just lecture everyone at the pub. my kids wait in the car while I give parenting lectures at the local watering hole.

Question: Why do we never hear about good parenting? In the news we always hear about bad standards of parenting but we never hear about good parenting? Why? I seriously think the bad parents are a small minority (based on my job). Shouldn't good parenting be celebrated? Parents have a tough job bringing up children in todays negative society. We should be hearing more positive news.

Answer: I agree! I think we should hear a lot more positive news right across the board! How about stories about non-violent conflict resolution where no one feels dominated or subjugated. Or stories about inexpensive, workable solutions to famine. Or village-based and controlled projects toward economic self-sufficiency. Occasionally one (or sometimes even a few) of these makes the news, but not often enough in my opinion! Stories about good parenting could give others role models and ideas which they could use. Unfortunately, too many people want sensationalism or celebrity gossip. It's a case of supply and demand.

Question: What are some great pregnancy and parenting books? I already have the “What to expect when you are expecting� series, what else was useful for you? What books on parenting have been worth buying for you? What about pregnancy books? Which ones could you not live without? My husband and I are first time parents and need some direction! Thanks!

Answer: parenting for dummies

Question: Should parents be required to take a parenting class during the hospital stay when the baby is born? What benefits whould this have? I am writing a Thesis on getting a program started through the government requiring parents to have a parenting lecture or class during their hospital stay. Any comments are appreciated. Thanks!

Answer: No. I'm not sure how it would be enforced, anyway. Not give a couple their child? That would be a bit ridiculous.

Question: How would you rate your parenting on a scale from 1 to 10? How would you rate your parenting on a scale from 1 to 10, with ten being perfect? How would you rate your parents' parenting? And your friends? Do most people think they are worse, equal or better parents than the average parent?

Answer: Lets see.. My skills a 7 Im am not perfect, but I try damn hard and take care to learn from my mistakes My parents.. divorced and grew up with my mom.. do you accept negative scores??? My friends... to many to list all but the people we hang out with most.. the dad is who I hang out with... he is a 4 but improving. Considering everything going on with them they are doing well. My wife thinks she is not as good as her parents... I KNOW I am better than my mother, but wasnt raised by my father so cant rate against him.

Question: How do you deal with different parenting styles? How do you and your spouse deal with different parenting styles when raising your children?? Do you ever get in arguments about how the other should parent?

Answer: all the time , think most couple do, drives u mad dun it,

Question: What are all of the different parenting methods available? I know we belabor the point here, sometimes... But, whenever I read people replies from people in the neverending spanking/not spanking debate, it seems like there are some who think the only choices for teaching our children are: Spanking Timeouts Taking away toys/priveleges 1-2-3 Magic That's it. Just straight pavlovian stimuli/response to train the children what to do and what not to do, until they're grown. Just wanted to get a list of other parenting methods that people use, to let people know that there are other choices that involve actually teaching your child to make good decisions without the contrived stimuli/response reward/punishment system. So, what are some of the other alternatives (besides, I guess, totally ignoring & neglecting your kids or abusing them). What are some parenting methods that you've used or seen working in real life, besides the above ones? Along with using facets of attachment parenting (http://www.attachmentparenting.com/ ), we, for the most part, use the methods described in the book Parenting with Love and Logic (http://www.loveandlogic.com/ ) which helps you guide your children to an understanding of how their choices affect themselves and others, using the natural consequences of their actions to help them really internalize the lesson and be able to apply it to other choices in their lives. It's worked pretty well, so far, on our natural kids. Didn't work too well on a niece who we fostered through her early teen years, but, as she had Reactive Attachment Disorder, I'm not sure what would have worked on her. Oh, and we'll use 1-2-3 magic and timeouts from time to time. Life is hectic & sometimes you just need a quick solution. When trying to create good habits, we'll go with a sticker chart. And, like Biz, we've found that sometimes 'natural consequences' aren't obvious enough, so we'll creatively enhance them a bit if needed :D

Answer: Oh my God, I love your question! Thank God for common sense at long last. I'm also tired of the debates, it seems to me sometimes as if most people have discipline methods revised down to spanking vs timeout! I'm with you on the natural and logical consequences, I think most people seriously underestimate a child's capacity to absorb, understand and digest what is happening in their environment, and what you are teaching them. Ok, so what methods do I use? Firstly, I TEACH. Not punish, but teach children about boundaries and rules, consequences both naturally occurring and enforced, I explain to them not just what they did wrong, but what they should do right. I role model, and demonstrate, and ask them to actively think about what I'm saying to them. There's none of this half-hearted limp apologies, lol, I want them to really consider why the particular behaviour needs to change. Whenever possible, I use naturally occurring consequences. Sometimes though, this isn't appropriate, so in those circumstances I will impose a similar consequence to teach them that their actions aren't appropriate. For example, if a 3 year old should run out onto the road (not that I would allow them to be roaming free near a road), you cannot let them get hit by a car. What I would do is take that child, tell them loudly and firmly "No! The car will hit you, and you will get hurt!". I would then restrain them with either a stroller or harness, and tell them that they can't walk now, because they did something so dangerous. After a few minutes, I would then discuss with them why I restrained them, get them to talk it back to me, etc etc. Of course all the other discipline choices do have their place at times, but I feel that as parents, we are responsible for developing whole human beings. We need to 'grow' children into adults who are responsible, moral, and who have a conscience. I feel that it's not enough to simply 'control' them as children, we need to teach and develop their own moral reasoning, and sense of right and wrong.

Question: What is the best free online parenting class to take? I have decided to take an online parenting class. I was wondering what site would be the most effective. I don't have a credit card or a checking account so it needs to be one that is free. I have 3 kids between the ages of 5 and 11. Has anyone taken one that was effective? If so, I would like to know what site it was and some examples of how they work. It is not that I don't know how to be a parent, but that I am just not very effective and need to do something.

Answer: Good on you for trying to be a better parent! I don't know of any parenting classes online that you can take but you can study as much as possible. There are many great parenting sites out there that give several different perspectives on parenting school-aged children. Just read articles, learn new techniques, and implement them. I'm not sure what a parenting class [online or not...] could teach you that simply researching can't but maybe that's just me. I'm sorry I couldn't give you a website but I hope I've helped in some way. Best of Luck!

Question: What is the best parenting arrangement for 5 year old starting school? My 5 year old daughter starts school next year and my ex and I can't seem to agree on the best parenting arrangement. I have proposed a week on week off arrangement as I feel this would provide more stability. She prefers a mid week handover. Which of these options would be better for my daughter?

Answer: It will depend on how much her schedule changes when she is transferred -- like does she have to get up earlier for school, a longer drive, etc. I would think that the week on/week off would be best for consistency, but I'm sure it would be hard on you (and the ex) not to see her for a week. Good luck!